Before My Husband Allen Was a Husband

Weeks ago, I promised to say more about my husband Allen, who passed away just over 20 months ago. Well, here are a few important reflections regarding this wonderful man:

Let’s start at the beginning. Before Allen was a husband, he was born a male. Yes, he didn’t decide to be a male the moment he took his first independent breath. Neither did his parents conduct some sort of Affirmation Ceremony at his birth. And – as far as I know – there was no discussion between the doctor and nurse(s) present as to which gender he would be “assigned.” It was an obvious, logical reaction to a certain anatomical fact that was obvious the moment he emerged from the birth canal.

I wasn’t even aware that God had planned a future Soul Mate for me. But I arrived in this world five months later (and we never argued whether a summer or a winter birthday was better; we just enjoyed the fact that we existed and shared the same birth year), and found him about sixteen years after that.

Before Allen was a husband, he was a boy. He played with boy things; he played baseball on the street with the other kids. Notice that I did not say “boys”; his younger sister was one of the “kids,” and played alongside whoever showed up for street ball. He was taught that boys, being – generally speaking – a tad bit stronger than girls, he should not bully, beat up, or strong-arm his female acquaintances. There were no anxious, woke-ful discussions regarding how boys should be more like girls. His parents merely followed the Biblical instructions for training a boy in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness (yes – I know he was a pesky brother at times!), goodness, faithfulness, and self-control (Galatians 6:22-23).

And before I even knew he was to be my husband, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that this tall, lanky teenager with red hair and playful eyes was a kind soul who would rather walk away from a potential argument than start one. His manly, ingrained gentleness was a much-desired trait.

Before Allen was a husband, he became a Christian. When he was eleven, he attended an evening revival meeting at the church he attended with his mother, and responded to the altar call. After affirming his proper understanding of this spiritual event, he was baptized. It goes without saying that he grew in his faith and became the young man that I was attracted to.

Once we began courting (yes, you read that right!), and as I began to suspect that Allen and I would someday get married, he and I talked and talked and talked about God and His Son, Jesus Christ. We went to each other’s churches (I was Catholic; he was Baptist. Before he departed this life, my husband and I had joined a nearby Methodist church). We discovered that we shared a common thirst for God’s truth, and for worshipping Him each Sunday. (At times, we even joined in Sunday services at both our churches on the same Sunday!) Once he became a husband, he made sure that his wife was fully supportive of their unified church choice. Therefore, we never took a “holiday” from Sunday worship.

Before Allen became a husband, he decided where his national allegiance lay. Believing that his low draft number (“20” in 1970) would result in his being drafted into the Army, he signed up for the Navy. The job he was trained for in that branch of the Armed Forces ended up being his job for life. Despite being affected by progressive deconstructionism of traditional American patriotism and recent woke-ism, Allen stayed true to everything he had thought through and affirmed during his teenage years – before he became my husband. How do I know this? Because he and I discussed our views and our reactions to everyday events every day of our married life (which happened to be just short of 50 years). Of course, I am not counting the time he spent assigned to Alaska, or out on naval vessels in the Mediterranean Sea as daily interaction, but we affirmed our love and devotion to each other through letters and phone calls during the necessary separations. There is not now – nor has there ever been – any doubt in my mind that Allen was true to established American ideals.

And – yes – our views evolved as we studied more and more of the Scriptures, and listened carefully to sermons and tapes and videos that touched on important political topics. Remarkably, though, we never seemed to “discover” – as so many unfortunate “woke” people, adrift in their anchorless existence, have “discovered” – that our patriotism and dedication to serving America had been misplaced. Right up to retirement, my husband proclaimed his commitment to Bible-based American ideals – even though he “sat in the corner” for the last year of his career, stripped of any meaningful power to affect the affairs of his branch of government due to his relentless loyalty to the truth.

He became a true, verifiable husband the day we were married. But he started on the road to being a husband the day he was born. He progressed through childhood, following the correct and godly path for boys pointed out to him by a loving father and a loving mother. He accepted Christ as his Savior and Lord, which provided the foundation for him to become the husband a woman could (and did) lean on for godly leadership. He was a husband by God’s design – and he made me a wife.

Praise God for creating a husband through His design!