Three Liberals’ Take on Interpreting the Bible (Part 2)

In my previous blog post, I wrote concerning Senators Booker and Warren and the Rev. Barber’s heartfelt admonishment to all Republicans to stop misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures according to political ideologies. Whether or not I succeeded is for my readers to judge. However, in the spirit of humble exegesis, I offer another aspect of the 25^th chapter of Matthew’s Gospel that the Three Bible Scholars (TBS’s) may have overlooked – one (or two) which may certainly inform their current assertions regarding the “evil” Brett Kavanaugh.

According to the commonly-agreed division of the Holy Scriptures, the aforementioned section of Matthew’s Gospel has two more portions: the Parable of the Ten Virgins and the Parable of the Talents. It is my intention to list a few observations on the former in this blog, Part 2.

For those individuals who do not have ready access to a Bible, I have reproduced the parable below:

Matthew 25: ¹ “Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. ² Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. ³ For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, ⁴ but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. ⁵ As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. ⁶ But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ ⁷ Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. ⁸ And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ ⁹ But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’ ¹⁰ And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. ¹¹ Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’ ¹² But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ ¹³ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”

Observation 1: In my previous blog, I relayed how the TBS’s decried Brett Kavanaugh’s “immoral” lack of prejudicial bias, refusing to set his mind (and his judgement) on the “hungry / thirsty / stranger (alien) / sick / imprisoned” individuals mentioned in Christ’s parable. There is common agreement among Christians that “something must be done” to help those less fortunate than we are. However, in the 21^st century, “wise” Bible interpreters such as the TBS’s insist that court decisions must completely ignore any laws that the TBS’s deem “inconvenient” – or just plain “wrong”! 

In the case of Judge Kavanaugh, for instance, the TBS’s decree that he must weigh in favor of the “hungry / thirsty / stranger (alien) / sick / imprisoned” complainants, regardless of the merits of their cases. In others words, if someone claims to be hungry (for food, oil, extra comforts, a better job, respect, political power, etc.), Kavanaugh must immediately jump into action and judge in their favor. Never mind that America’s laws may dictate otherwise.

Observation 2: 21^st-century TBS’s frequently decry the use of “offensive” actions such as thought crimes, logic, “micro-aggressions” and other indelicate means of pointing out the faults of liberals and / or the Democratic Party. And here is where we notice that Jesus’ words as recorded in this parable are obviously not agreeable to a modern TBS. In the first verse, the Lord and Savior refers to “virgins.” In the last 45 years of my life, I innocently believed that He was speaking of “unmarried females,” but in this age of “gender fluidity,” should we not reinterpret this label to mean “pure-hearted sexual beings”? Could Kavanaugh, in all his decisions from the bench, even come close to accepting this description? Could Booker, or Warren, or Barber? It makes one pause for thought.

Observation 3: Our next problem is Christ’s labels of “foolish” and “wise.” Now, I would wager that, according to our illustrious TBS’s, these two groups in the story most obviously reflect the current political division within the U.S. Senate (I leave it to you, the reader, to choose which is which). I would simply point out that the “foolish” virgins did not bring oil for their lamps, and that the “wise” virgins did. Now, if one were to equate the “foolish” virgins with the Republicans, one is faced with a conundrum: does this sound like the “evil, greedy” Republicans, as TBS’s are quick to label them? Aren’t the TBS’s always pointing out how “selfish” the Republicans (including Kavanaugh, who is guilty by association) are? Would Republicans actually really leave home without spare fuel? Hmmmm…

Observation 4: At this point, we are faced with the biggest problem of the whole parable: Why won’t the “wise” virgins share their oil with the “foolish” virgins? Don’t they understand that All Righteous Christians (especially millionaires in the Senate) are supposed to share with their less-fortunate neighbors? How unfair is it to instruct the “foolish” virgins to go to all the trouble of purchasing their own oil, thereby forcing them to miss the one opportunity to have some fun at the midnight wedding party? (And don’t forget how hungry and thirsty these “pure-hearted sexual beings” might have been, seeing as though they waited a long time for the bridegroom to appear!)

Observation 5: As always, Christ leaves the most important parts of His parable to the last. Actually, there are two most important parts. As the foolish virgins pound on the door to the wedding feast, imploring for admittance, the Bridegroom rebuffs them with the words, “I do not know you.” Not know them? How could that be? Didn’t the Bridegroom and the foolish virgins inhabit the same town, breathe the same air? Didn’t they say “hi” to His Bride each and every day of their lives? Weren’t the wise virgins honor-bound to vouch for them, to plead with the doorkeeper to open the pathway to the fun and frolic of the wedding party?

Wow! What a conundrum! I wonder how the TBS’s will get Jesus out of the mess He’s created!

All tongue-in-cheek aside, let’s not overlook Christ’s last stunning statement: “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” [Here, I imagine a collective gasp of astonishment.] What is this? No “social justice” talk about sharing? No reminder about ministering to the “hungry / thirsty / stranger (alien) / sick / imprisoned” individuals Kavanaugh is supposed to favor in his judicial role? Jesus says that we should “wait,” but for what? It just doesn’t make sense…

But perhaps it does. Perhaps Jesus, the Savior of the World, knows that individuals cannot be, in their own rights, the same type of “savior” that He is. Perhaps He tells us to minister to those closest to us (our true neighbors, not some strangers across the continent) because that is where we truly build community. Perhaps He calls for true sacrificial giving on our parts – not just some feel-good, token legislation from know-it-all Senators and stirring political gatherings by activists that “tick all the boxes.” Perhaps Jesus Christ wants all the attention, because only through HIM can we learn what God’s will is for our lives. And perhaps – just perhaps – Brett Kavanaugh has actually figured all this out on his own!

It causes one to think, doesn’t it?